Won’t Get Gobbled Again

1Apr

 

We'll be joking in the streets

With turkeys at our feet

And the jokes that we laughed at will be dumb

And the Tidbits that spurred us on

We deem that Cash-Wise is Aldi’s, but not as fun

And then to the laughter we all succumbed

 

We’ll click our heels to the new constitution

Make it rain for the new revolution

Smile and grin as the dollars shoot out of orafices

Pick up our microphones and say

Just like turkeyday

Then we'll pet Josie and pray

We don't get gobbled again

 
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The Wrongest Color

1Apr

On this episode the tidal wave of tidbits begin with an onslaught of chatter about William’s most favorite band in the world, the Replacements. He seriously blathers on about how awesome they are for the first ten minutes of the show! Now I am not a doctor, but I would say that his obsession with this band is not only bordering on, but is entirely, unhealthy. If you ever see William out in public, just shout “Talent Show” in his face and he will buy you a cocktail.  “Talent Show” is his favorite Replacements, or should I say “Mats” (since William is such a fan, he refers to them by their nickname), song and while we are talking about it, William is convinced that the “Mats” album, Don’t Tell a Soul, is better than any album ever produced by the Beatles, Stones, or Toad the Wet Sprocket. Yes dear listeners, this man has a serious compulsion for this band! 

 
For a full list of artists that William enjoys less than the Replacements, please email TidbitsFromMinnesota@gmail.com.

The Tidbits Trio begin a story about a father, a garage, and politics only to deem the story “not good” and they bail on it midway through. I know, I am more shocked then you! I had no idea that they had the capacity to self-edit! The Bridge Players from Tidbits County then learn of the “Old”lympics that happen in Rochester every year and take shot after shot at our elderly community. Look for the boys’ new show, Tidbits From Hell, as that is where they will certainly end up.

The Mush Mouths from Minnesota then visit a quilt shop and not much happens, but I guess that’s what one comes to expect at a quilt shop. The Tidbitters then take a look into the world of crime with a few stories from the police blotter and you would have thought that they were in a quilt shop. Josie, the cat, then returns to the show and delivers a very sad, but thoughtful reading of a Craig’s List plea.

Things to listen for: Aaron referring to Clint Howard as “Cliff Howard” and Aaron calling the J. Geils Band the “J. Skiles Band.”

 
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Square Hamburgers, Round Buns

1Apr

On this most joyous of episodes, our hilarious henchmen-of-news return to dissect the wonderful world of Minnesota news! The fellas of Tidbits start out swinging with a completely adequate opening, but then luckily gt right to business! The news delivers yet again with a story about urinating, which the three-men weavers of funny blow completely out of proportion. The three un-wisemen then cover a winter themed story, it’s not just the comedy that gets cold! …or is it old? Anyhoo, the riders of the Tidbits storm then make pretend and pay tribute to Dick Wolf’s only contribution to society, Law & Order. Sadly, the bodily functions of one of our heroes take over the show for way too many minutes. Post fart talk gets a wee bit tangential, but William finally delivers on a personal story that combines Lockheed Martin, government waste, and the most genius comic strip of all time, Fred Basset. Lego’s make the headlines here in Minnesota as we hear about some 5th graders that competed to build examples of natural disasters. (That’s a sentence I never thought I would type!) Josie comes by to finish up the show with a heartfelt public service announcement involving one Croc, but of course shares some very personal information before he actually gets to “helping people.” 

 
Thanks for listening!
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Legion of Coon

1Apr

Aaron, William and Kermit, start the episode off right by making fun of people that just want a chicken sandwich and a second chance. Their take on Chick-fil-A makes them look like dick Pâtés! (To quote Aaron R. Connor, “Am I right?”)  The Dick Tidbit Three then discuss a beauty pageant that takes place at an American legion, during breakfast time, in the great city of, yep; you guessed it, Coon Rapids! By the way, starting in 2015, look for William Davis’ new podcast, Shootin’ the Rapids, where William “shoots” the breeze with his classmates from Coon Rapids high school, topics to include but not limited to, “Do You Remember When That Was a Burger King?” and “That’s Right, You Did Buy Your Mom’s Townhome!” The Dick van Tidbits then discuss a “sports story” and they then go down memory lane and sing the Coon Rapids high school rouser! If that doesn't have you breaking your fingers to try and download this episode, you must be from Coon Rapids! Glue sniffing is then explored. That’s a sentence I never thought I would type. Anyhoo, Josie comes in to offer his “help” and to button up yet another perfectly executed episode. Thank you so much for listening!

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Yukon Comedy Gold Potato

1Apr

The Terrors of Tidbit Town reconvene to discuss an itch that cannot be scratched, a test that cannot be studied for, and lifestyle changes - oh yeah, and William refers to his buttocks as a “bottom.” Aaron updates us on his injury and Kermit stops the story short to vocalize his (completely without merit) feelings of being slighted. This author has determined it was because he wasn’t the center of attention for all of 38 seconds. Aaron and William come to Kermit’s defense with a theory about withdrawal and how difficult it has been for him. The Tidbit Trifecta then learns about a terrible man who did terrible things. The crew, of course, judges him accordingly, but they then learn about potatoes! A couple phrases that you should listen for during the potato lecture: “It don’t taste like blueberries, it tastes like french fries.” “She’d probably go to 4th base with you right then and there for a Yukon Gold potato.” Side-stepping spud talk, the men from Minnesota then hear a story involving marijuana, math, and getting busy in a Burger King parking lot, followed up by another story with not one, but two adult-sized tricycles! The Ticking Time Bombs of Tidbitville are joined again by the always kind-of helpful Josie. Just like that, the episode is over - and just like that, the boys leave the world better than when the episode started!

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Her Name Was Fawn

1Apr

Welcome to another tight, perfectly planned and eloquently executed episode of Tidbits From Minnesota! The Brothers Tidbit peel back the skin of Aaron’s work injury story, and once we move the muscle, some tendons and a few nerve endings to the side, we get to the bone of the problem. As usual, we find that the problem is too much exposition and not enough jokes. The Tidbit triplets then dissect an “in tents” story about wolves, camping, Allen Ginsberg and a fox named Michael J., brought to you by the world’s greatest news reader, William J. Davis—a true radio professional. A story about the band Foreigner and their philanthropic exploits leads the boys into a dramatic religious-themed discussion. A story mostly about a man having a relationship with a dead animal gets a fresh polish with some Murphy’s Oil, and 'Smokey and the Bandit' metaphors abound. Finally, Josie the Cat comes to the…rescue(?), and delivers a flawless public service announcement that only William Davis could be proud of!

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Aaron “GB” Connor

1Apr

The dudes of Tidbits run into trouble right off the start and luckily William was there to save us all by landing a perfectly told joke, all the while publicizing our website! A hard hitting news story involving a local rocker and a group of gangbangers gets explored…very thoroughly! Completely unrelated to that story, we just wanted to remind all of you that the contents contained in this podcast are meant for adult ears only! The fellas then move on to talk about some Dicks that had their wedding gifts taken. Turns out the Dicks weren't the only ones that were dicks! The politics of business are broken down very slowly for Aaron and they uncover a scandal involving one of Minnesota’s most highly visible companies. Hint: the company's name rhymes with “Rest Guy.” Last and certainly least, Josie the cat helps us close the show when he saunters in to offer up some “help” to the fine citizens of Minnesota. Thank you for listening!

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The Cleanest Shotgun

1Apr

The three amigos from Minnesota ride their microphone horses out from the flames and into your ears, all the while lassoing truths and uncovering the laughs! The bandits get serious for a short time and then move on to talk of masturbation. Aaron shares too much and not enough all at the same time, forcing our brains to fill in gaps that we did not want to fill. The marauders of Tidbits then travel to a bar, then end up learning about a young tyrant named Bobby who has taken control of a small Minnesota town. Things get sexy when the goofball three look into a story about driver’s license porn and then they take a couple swings at the old Police Blotter. In the end, a cat helps us humans remember what it really means to be human as Josie stops by to read from Craig’s list of things that are lost. Remember folks, when a cat is reminding us to help our fellow man, we might be a wee bit off the rails as a society! Thanks for listening and may you have a wonderful week!
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Mormon Prom

1Apr

The unholy trinity of dudes come together again to face the news and uncover the humor contained within various stories such as escalator pile-ups, a stoned teddy bear giver-outer and bikini-clad sports and that is all within the first ten minutes of the show! Kermit gets cranky because the rest of the Tidbits team doesn't follow his logic, but it is very apparent that it's his inability to communicate that leads to his own frustration. Aaron does whatever the opposite of helping is to clarify Kermit’s position, and William celebrates the misunderstanding like Switzerland in every war. The crew then looks in on a Mormon prom and Aaron reveals that he was “that guy” in high school and confesses to his career as a vandal. Salesmanship and scams take center stage and Josie brings us home with a plea for hula-hoop help.

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Weather Dick

1Apr

Chatter, chatter go the Boys as they launch into the topic of Mr. William Davis’ tardiness and Kermit deftly changes topics by bragging about his wife losing Grandma’s Marathon. They then dip their foot into fake political journalism and it quickly becomes too complicated for Kermit. William finally does a voice on the show! You guessed correctly, he was making fun of someone! The Tidbits crew then deems the “Calvin pissing on (insert target of hate here)” stickers boring and come up with a way sweeter “Hobbes shitting” sticker. Next our heroes shine light on a real hero getting the short end of a 2001 Pontiac Grand Am and William reminds us all that conspiracies abound! A deer then bounds through a fancy window and the Tidbits posse can’t shut-up about it. Josie the Cat climbs to his perch and reads us another public service announcement and the boys close the show down with an amazing close, or pretty much how it always ends. Thanks so much for listening!

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